Letter to America

Embarrassing Music: A List

2006-07-28T16:31:00.000+01:00

Pentlands Hike 23.7.06 017
Originally uploaded by garvex.

Just getting around to responding to some late tags from Big Daddy at AI. Here’s a list of embarrassing music that can be found on my Ipod.

1) Love Machine – Girls Aloud: The lyrics are stupid but the backing music is damn catchy. I blame Channel 4; they had some program about a cross-dressing boy band that tried to make it as a girl band. They promo’d it into the ground during Lost commercial breaks, and after a few listens I was hooked. To the song, not the cross-dressing boy band.
2) Under Pressue- Suncream: One of those alt.techno.rock songs of the mid 90s, best exemplified by Republica’s ‘Ready to Go.’ Love those house-y piano lines. In my DJ years, I tortured the bartenders at O’Hooley’s with this one.
3) Savin the Day- Alessi Brothers: Who? I’m not sure, I actually had to look them up. The song is on the Ghostbusters soundtrack, which along with Van Halen’s 1984 was the first casettes I owned as a child. Think Christopher Cross. Yeah, I know.
4) Bootylicious- Destiny’s Child: Right up there with Prince’s Get Off in the category of songs to move your ass to. Infinitely less cool.
5) Sexy Back- Justin Timberlake: Just to make sure I’m hip to what the kids are listening to these dayz. Word?
6) Sisters- Rosemary Clooney and Vera Ellen: Not the best song from ‘White Christmas,’ but a cracker that reminds me of SAC. I was going to mention something daft about Vera Ellen being the only no-name of the four main characters in White Christmas, but when I looked up her bio she turned out to have a crap life upon retiring from acting. Moving right along.
7) BBC Theme-News 24: One full minute of those pips with downtempo techno beat. Worth watching despite all the death and destruction that follows.
8) Oklahoma!- Rodgers and Hammerstein: There is a bar in Tulsa, OK that has this on the jukebox. When it gets played, the whole bar belts it out. Same might happen if ‘Sunshine in Leith’ got played in a Hibs-friendly bar, or ‘I Hate Myself and I Want to Die” at a Hearts-friendly pub. I like the idea of communal drunken singing.

There it is, just a sample of the embarrassing crap that you could listen to if you were to steal my Ipod while I was in the pub. Which I’m off to now.

Where I'm at (Part 1)

2006-07-10T22:40:00.000+01:00

King of the Mountain
Originally uploaded by garvex.

Oh wow, it's been a long time since I've updated this blog. I blame Mac and his relative inactivity, though that's bullshit, I've just not been motivated to write (thank you Mac, Sarah A-M and Adrian for not giving up on me). Partly due to laziness, partly due to my work life leading me further and further away from writing, and partly due to this strange yellow orb that has appeared more frequently these last few months. I vaguely remember seeing it when I lived in the States. It warms the skies, and Pa says it's the reason the crops are starting to grow taller. The doctor says it's called the sun. Scottish people don't have a word for it.

The doctor says I should simply tell people about my fingers. And how they were chopped off. Sorry, love, wrong brother.

Now for the recap.

1) Kansas City
I visited KC in late March/early April, thereby avoiding Hibs disgraceful shellacking by Hearts in the Cup semi-final. Seriously, Hibs should pay me to stay in the country once they advance to a certain point in the Scottish Cup. The same thing happened last year, I went to KC, Hibs lost in a semi. This is a team that has not one a Cup final in over 100 years. And you thought the Cubs/Red Sox were cursed.

Back on track, I went to KC for seven days, played a lot of golf with Samuel Tiberius Kirkston, drank a lot with JT, saw plenty of old friends. The weather was fantastic, the thunderstorms fierce, the Wizards home opener a success. I generally smoked and drank myself silly. Which was the entire point.

2) Leisure, as in mine and other peoples leisure.
Upon my return, I took on another temp job. Interning with a union in Glasgow was worthwhile. I met some fantastic people, received training as a union steward, and got a good general feel for the Scottish union movement, but broke is broke. So I took some projects with me and worked on them while answering the phones at a leisure charity. A big one. With lots of young, successful people all around. And me, the bearded American answering the phone.

A word about receptionists. Many times in my life, I've woken up and said to myself, "I don't want to go to work." Very rarely has this been related to the actual job. Working at Burger King was one of those times. Delivering newspapers was another. The first week at this job was yet another.

Upon reflection, I'm not sure what exactly it was that made me feel this way. Partly it was not knowing anyone's name the first few days. There is nothing more panic inducing then getting phone call after phone call for people whose names you don't know- this goes double when they speak in those wacky English and Scottish accents. "Morag? That's not a real name. Really? Man or woman?"

Add this to the fact that up to a third of the calls on certain days were sales calls, which we were expected to deflect away from the marketing department. Is it possible to measure the unhappiness of a marketing department rep when you accidently connect them someone making cold calls about changing mobile providers? I'm not sure such a device has been invented.

After a week of going back and forth about staying, I calmed down and figured it out. Actually figured out plenty of ways to fart around, thanks to a very overeager fellow receptionist who was trying to angle in on the permanent role. I even managed a few free golf passes. The key was learning to check the incoming phone numbers- after a week, I deduced that 99% of calls with the prefix 020 (London) were the verbal equivalent of spam.

"Can I speak to someone in your marketing/sales/executive office?"

And my retort...

"I'm sorry, all 300 people in the office are away from their desk at the moment. Can I take a message? You'll call back? Excellent"

And you won't get past me. It became a game. And I was good at it. But it was also a curse. Ten years ago, I had to do some phonebanking as an activist. I was told I was good at it. Phonebanking is another one of those jobs that makes my stomach turn. A decade late, my phone voice can still apparently make British Telecom repairmen weep...I was complimented by the HR director that I had a good voice for telephone and that people calling up were asking who the new friendly voice was. Sort of like having a good face for radio, I suppose.

And then they hired a new receptionist. But by then, it was mid-June. Are you ready for some football?

To be continued...

I'm it

2006-03-24T10:57:00.000Z

"...robots in disguise"
Originally uploaded by Smaku.

I’ve been tagged by Mac, meaning I must list my seven favourite songs:

(this blank space is here because I canne be bothered to figure out how to make it format correctly with the pic -->)

Seeing Other People - Belle and Sebastian (1999)
Independence Day - Elliot Smith (1998)
Nlogax - Boards of Canada (1996)
Deceptacon - Le Tigre (1999)
Mesmerizing - Liz Phair (1993)
Immune – Low (1999)
The Free Design – Stereolab (1999)

Analysis: Apparently, the best 20th century music was recorded between 1996-1999. Almost half of this list is made up of songs I heard for the first time four or more years after they were released.

The problem with song lists is there is a certain amount of fatigue that sets in with songs after a while. For example, I used to think the Spin Doctor's 'Two Princes' was a song I could never get sick of. How wrong I was.

No need to mention that my snide comment aimed at Mac’s list could be aimed directly at myself.

Think different

2006-03-17T14:39:00.000Z

thomas jefferson - think different
Originally uploaded by sporifice.

"DOS computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, without about 70 million machines in use world wide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are by far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form."-- New York Times, November 26, 1991

So there.

Do they even make Tandy computers anymore? I remember using Radio Shack Tandy computers at summer camp (back off, I also played basketball and hockey. Grunt). The drives were cassette players of some kind. And you thought your computer took a while to boot up.

Medium-sized Puffy Clouds

2006-03-17T14:24:00.000Z

the orb is our power, it is always with us
Originally uploaded by parkerstreetcinema.

2:15PM, Cloudy, 41F, and the Ipod Shuffle goes to...

Pomme Fritz (Meat 'n' Veg Mix)
The Orb
U.F.Off: The Best of the Orb

"You've just had a heavy dose of electro-shock therapy,
and you're more relaxed than you've been in weeks.
All those childhood traumas,
magically wiped-away,
along with most of your personality."

Thanks to Mr. Computer, I've learned that the sample (see quote) used by The Orb in Pomme Fritz is from one of those fake Saturday Night Live commercials, specifically involving Lily Tomlin and Spud beer in 1975. Huh.

Not sure what The Orb makes me think of other than the difficulty of putting together a "Best of.." compilation of an ambient techno group. The Orb is different enough between albums that it really doesn't work. They did do a good job of mixing it all together. Still, doesn't really work.

That's all I got on the Orb. It's really tough to think with a big lump of cheese and pepperoni lodged in your stomach, but despite the availability of food here at the office I picked up the £2 personal pizza next door. Warm food makes for a nice hangover cure when you're home, but I want to take a nap now, and just not acceptable at the moment, being at the office and all.

Calling it a hangover is actually giving it too much credit, and it's shameful that yesterday's 2 1/2 pints of Dark Island (hi honey!) has made me all groggy today. My beer tolerance is in a sad state of affairs. I'm okay with wine, but I don't believe wine tolerance and beer tolerance are the same. Though wine drinkers apparently eat better.

And what does this have to do with the Orb?

F All.

Letter from Afghanistan

2006-03-16T17:04:00.000Z

Kiteflying on the Airstrip
Originally uploaded by Chris Kuhn.

Here is a letter my sister sent a couple weeks back. She works for an aid agency in Pakistan, but took a brief holiday to Afganistan, which conincided with Bush’s brief visit to Kabul airfield. To protect her privacy, I’ve replaced the initial’s of her aid agency with the letters ABCD.

So I thought you might be interested in my day in Afganistan with Mr. Bush......well ok so he didn't invite me for tea in the whole five hours that he was here. But the streets were closed and helicopters were storming the airspaces around our office so I sensed he was close by orchestrating major foreign policy initiatives with his vow that "we will catch Osama Bin Laden"...Good luck sir, that should be a US priority foreign policy, continuing a war of words with some old guy in a cave ....but at least he made the day interesting for the newly arrived Idaho regiment are currently patrolling the streets of Kabul as we speak.

I did enjoy my two days in Afghanistan. It was rather funny because I was sent there to obtain a six month multi-entry visa. Upon arriving into Afghanistan on a cozy UN flight that even offered orange juice for the trip, I discovered that ABCD had forgotten to tell ABCD Afghanistan that I was coming.

Oops....but I must say, it was an interesting airport to be stuck in. So many different people walking in and out of it. Some women are completely covered head to toe and then in the next minute you see a woman in high heels and thick makeup that are "secret police" as I was told by a companion I met while waiting. I can't imagine the transformation this country has seen in 5 years....pretty amazing and a bit scary at the same time. ABCD did manage to pick me up after a couple of hours and I went straight to the Pakistan embassy where I stood in line and a man who I assumed worked for the embassy said point blank...."no you can't have another visa to Pakistan with no explanation.”

So that is what it is like to have a visa rejected for no particular reason. OK...I am thinking...now what? Maybe a free trip back to New York? It was kind of a funny situation because at that point, I had a six month visa to Afghanistan but no visa to Pakistan. But we did manage to find a person in one of the ABCD sub offices that said he had a friend in the consulate in Jahalabad a city two hours north of Kabul. So I was told to wait the night and I would travel to Jalalabad the next morning.

Kabul is so different from any place I have seen in Pakistan. It is completely surrounded by these dark brown mountains that look more threatening then beautiful. They just seem to be made of solid rock. There are no trees in the city and everything is again that colour brown. The houses, the walls the streets, the stores everything is either brown from the mud bricks that are the foundation for 90% of the building it seems or from the huge amount of dust that whips through the streets.

And the other thing that struck me about Kabul was the amount of barbed wire. Barbed wire everywhere, as are tanks with mostly US soldiers (the tanks are also brown). I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. I read somewhere that we still have 16,000 troops in Afghanistan; I just didn’t expect them to be so visible. I know it was sort of a funny reaction because it is their job to be visible…But I guess other than those two observations, life seems quite normal there.

We had a pleasant enough day at the office, ABCD’s finance director is a younger girl from Croatia and she was so excited to see me because the majority of expats at ABCD are over 50 (as she describes it). She took me out to dinner at this Lebanese restaurant where they confirmed a rumour I had heard: alcohol is indeed available AND legal in Afghanistan for expats; a very exciting revelation as booze is not legal or available in the North West Frontier Province of Pakistan. We had a wonderful dinner and I was taken to this cute little bar where there was again, that crazy mix of people....nerdy NGO do -gooders, huge marine guys, Afghan people trying to pass for a different nationality so they can have a drink. It was an interesting and enjoyable evening.

We had a nice trip to Jalalabad the next morning…I think it is safe to say that I have discovered a country where the roads equal those of The Gambia. The road winds through the mountains and follows this river, it is quite a site (I got some pictures) and opens up into this area where there is actually green land….people growing things (large fields wheat and poppy I was told) but at least they are able to farm something on the land. My impression flying into Afghanistan is how to people make a living in this country on this soil that seems to be all rocks.

We had a nice ride; there are some beautiful areas and we reached Jalaalabad in the afternoon. Long story short, the finance officer at ABCD knows someone who knows someone and I got a three month multi entry visa to Pakistan which can be renewed in Pakistan. So that is probably the end of my trips to Afghanistan.

We travelled to the border, past these mountains which were bombed by scud missiles during the war; the driver told me that the whole town of Jalalabad just shook during those days as if they were repeated aftershocks from a large earthquake. There were all these old British forts and caves dug into the mountains from the time that Russia was there. We travelled into the Tribal Region of Pakistan, it is part of Pakistan but the government does not have any real control there. I expected to see interesting things like old guys with rifles on horses but it looked exactly like Pakistan. They have their own army but they were quite pleasant and the only interesting thing I saw was a HUGE compound from this famous warlord from the area that spent 10 years in a US prison for printing fake dollars. He is pretty old now they say but the place looks like a castle. The entry point from the tribal region to Pakistan has this huge gate constructed by the British way back when. It has a name, which I forgot but I the country director said that it was a famous site and at least I got to see it. I wasn’t allowed to stop since it was getting late. And by six in the evening I was back in Peshawar.

Today Mr. Bush will be following me again and will be in Islamabad, and the word is that he will be greeted by a strike/protest. The protests are really losing momentum (although his arrival will spark some reaction I am sure). He picked the worst day to come since there has been a protest every Friday since that cartoon reaction began. People tend to gather at the mosque for prayers and the protest follow. I think that this strike was planned even before he was scheduled to come so it was some bad timing. I will be under lock and key again which is fine, I have a lot of work to do in the office. I am in Peshawar today and will travel to Islamabad tomorrow to meet with some potential partners for this (EFG) project. There is a conference with EFG in Islamabad on Tuesday to discuss the proposal. I will tell you more about the proposal later but it looks like I will be working mostly out of Islamabad and Peshawar until it is submitted.

Well I hope I didn’t bore y’all but it is not everyday that one travels to Afghanistan. And this will sound redundant to every travel story you ever hear but the people I met were simply wonderful, and kind and very open (even more so then Pakistan) so there took away that silly fear I had to reveal my nationality when meeting the Afgan refugees in Pakistan last week. It’s a relief to know that people don’t necessarily associate me with decisions my government makes. It’s wonderful to be able so say “yes I am from America” and have people ask me about New York City, and the food and the movies and the music….rather than ask me about the President. And driving past those mountains that border Afghanistan and Pakistan, I feel sorry for anyone who is out looking for Bin Laden because there are a hell of a lot of mountains to look through. Hope you are all doing well in your different corners of the world. Write me when you get a chance. I love and miss all of you.

Smoking, drinking, swinging Bob

2006-03-16T11:26:00.000Z

Mind if I smoke?
Originally uploaded by billyverde.

Ipod Shuffle, 10PM Monday, but then it got accidentally erased, so now it's Thursday...

Salty Salute
Guided By Voices
Alien Lanes

"Disarm the settlers
The new drunk drivers
Have hoisted the flag
We are with you in your anger
Proud brothers
Do not fret
The bus will get you there yet"

Until writing this, I thought the opening line was "Disarm the sexless".
I like my version better.

I've seen them multiple times, and no matter when it's been, Bob is always smoking, swinging the mic by the cord and drinking Bud long necks. God bless him.

Quick story about GBV. Ohio U friend JH, an employee of Southeastern Ohio's greatest rock club The Union, had returned home after working a shift. GBV had played that night, and brought along fellow Dayton-ite Kim Deal, who was riding the crest of Breeders fame at the time.

It was late, but when the phone rang JH answered. On the other line was the hushed voice of a co-worker who was hosting GBV and Ms Deal for the night. It was 6AM, but they felt it was necessary to tell someone, anyone that "dude, Kim Deal is sleeping on my couch!"

And then he hung up.

Blog flavour of the day

2006-03-13T16:18:00.000Z

Pick a band/artist. Then answer these questions using only titles from the band/artist's songs.
1. Name of band/artist: Guided By Voices
2. Are you male or female?: I Am a Scientist
3. Describe yourself: I Am A Tree
4. How do you feel about yourself?: Non-Absorbing
5. Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: A Good Flying Bird
6. Describe current girlfriend/boyfriend: Smothered in Hugs
7. Describe where you want to be: Everywhere With Helicopter
8. Describe how you live: Awful Bliss
9. Describe how you love: As We Go Up, We Go Down
10. What would you ask for if you had just one wish?: Hardcore UFOs
11. Share a few words of wisdom: You’re Not An Airplane
12. Now say goodbye: Motor Away

You're turn.

Tori vs. God

2006-03-12T22:50:00.000Z

108458785_fed1bee204
Originally uploaded by garvex.

10PM Sunday night, the Ipod Shuffle sends me to...

God
Tori Amos
Under the Pink

"Give not thy strength unto women,
Nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings"

Tori's second and last great album. Or did I just grow out of this brand of angst? Nah, I'll stick with the former.

Listening to Tori Amos brings me back to 'Little Earthquakes', the one with crucify, Silent All These Years, Precious Things, etc. It was released in the Spring of 1992, and as a precocious senior at New Hartford High School I had conned my way into being a very occasional DJ at the local college radio station. All hail, WPNR, 90.7, Utica College, the station I won Jane's Addiction tickets with a year earlier, but couldn't go due to SAT's the next day. Argh.

I remember driving back from the station one Saturday afternoon. It was about this time of the year, when spring is just...about...here, and the temperature warms up every fifth day into something approaching agreeable. So it was windows down and stereo volume up on the aging light blue family Dodge Caravan.

Cruising through Utica on the way back home from the station. For some reason, I remember Tori Amos was on the radio (and in Utica, the only station it would have been on in 1992 would have been WPNR). I remember being really, I don't know, vividly happy...not sure what the emotion is, but I remember it like it was yesterday-the sunshine, the road wet from snow melt, the warm sun through the windshield clashing with the cooler air blowing in from driver's side window.

This is a recurring feature in my life, music pinpointing not just a period of life, but a specific moment.

The next spring it would be "If I Can't Change Your Mind" by Sugar, a song I was listening to as I climbed the hill adjacent Bong Hill on an indian summer day at Ohio U.

Music, my memory index.

PS Pic stolen from 300M. He's got some great pics of Utica, the city I grew up next to. Go forth.

Ipod Shuffle vs Blog

2006-03-10T19:31:00.000Z

lyles4
Originally uploaded by garvex.

(Looking for some inspiration for maintain consistent blog writing, so why not just hit shuffle on the Ipod and expand on the first song that comes up, maybe throw in a lyric to boot).

Liquor Lyle's Cool July
Atmosphere
Seven's Travels

"Working on my fifth, or maybe my sixth, where every woman represents the meaning of existence."

Curtain up, it's Minneapolis' Atmosphere rapping about Liquor Lyle's. I have walked out of there drunk more than a few times. Strange thinking of a place you will never visit again.

Something about drinking alone and observing the crowd from a booth that puts me in an ultra-reflective mood; usually it had a depressive edge to it when I was single (which if I was in a bar alone was likely the case). I used to use such occasions to write letters too (remember when people used to write letters?!?), but they always came off overly moody and melodramatic with cigarette ash and beer stains littered about the pages. I still tend to romanticise those moments, but then so does Tom Waits, right? And everyone likes Tom Waits.

Alas, both drinking at Liquor Lyle's and serious letters penned from bars represent past practice; good riddance to both. Happy in an Edinburgh home beats moody at a Minneapolis bar any night.

Engage

2006-02-19T16:35:00.000Z

The Engagement B&B, Niagra-On-The-Lake
Originally uploaded by garvex.

The Doctor and I just got back from our 11-day ‘Meet the parents and Some Friends’ Tour. It was a success, for despite a blizzard, deadly stomach virus that attacked me my third day in NYC, and time spent in Utica, we not only survived but escaped as not-so-soon-to-newlyweds.

Yes, the Doctor and I are getting married. I proposed at a bed-and-breakfast in the Canadian boutique town of Niagara-on-the-Lake, then again the next day as we passed by Niagara Falls. A third marriage proposal will have to happen to satisfy the romantic notions of the Doctor’s friends, and will involve fireworks, cannon fire and/or an announcement from Hibernian FC’s Public Address Announcer, following the halftime raffle draw, ‘for everyone to turn the eyes to the East Stand, Row W, seat 12, where one our most prized season ticket holders has a question to ask…”

In my dreams, as is a wedding at Easter Road. I, in turn, have nixed any idea the Doctor might have for getting married at the Castle, the Queen’s Palace or a Best Western. I showed her.

We’ve set a month-next February 2007, thus allowing friends and family a) time to save up some cash, b) save up some vacation time and/or c) apply for a passport. This also gives us some time to save up some money for what should be one hell of a party.

This I know:

I love the good Doctor.
You can not get married in the same room as where the reception is being help, assuming you are also serving alcohol in said reception room. That would be a correct assumption.
Everyone seemed to know we were going to get married before we announced we were getting married. We know this because they told us so after we announced we are getting married.
You can get married at the Edinburgh Zoo. The brochure seems to indicate the ceremony can take place inside the polar bear cage. I’m angling for a special ceremony involving penguins AND monkeys.
Fiancé was used as a verb in France from 1450-1600.
Squirrels do not hibernate (this has nothing to do with weddings and everything to do with random, late night conversations in bed with the one you love.

Apparently there is nothing more annoyingly smug than a soon-to-be married couple. I will do my best to remain unsmug. Mostly because I’m still in awe someone would want to marry such a silly boy as me.

Sebastian in a snowflake

2006-02-19T16:26:00.000Z

Sebastian in a snowflake
Originally uploaded by garvex.

Took this photo while in Buffalo with the Doctor. My fairy godmother Steph, her son Sebastian, the doctor and I went for a walk down to Buffalo's greatest bookshop, Talking Leaves.

I thought this photo was ruined when the snowflake was captured by the flash. Ends up acting as a halo for Buffalo's cutest 1-year old.

Home

2006-01-29T19:05:00.000Z

farm
Originally uploaded by garvex.

Well, not my home, but A-Reys's home. My home is nearby about 12 inches above the top-righthand side of your screen, and I will be there soon. Interesting google note, type in my hometown of New Hartford and you will end up a link to A-Rey's sister's wedding website. Yeah, wow, I know.

The Doctor and I are doing the 'meet the parents' visit this week, which includes five days in rainy NYC to hang with one of my brothers and A-Reys. Then its another five upstate in snowy Utica. Doing a side trip to Buffalo to see SAC, the lawyer to see if you live in Western NY and have run afoul of libel law or been accused of pirating DirectTV.

But what have I been up to?

Not much...it is January in Scotland, after all. Coldish and cloudy. Job applications go out, but little is heard in return, so I continue to work for the council. The stories I could tell about this city...but I am bound by conditionally, so I'll just have to keep all the 'like-Trainspotting, but real!!!' stories to myself. Let's just say that I am more wary of those around me. This city has a lot of secrets.

Football season has reached the halfway point in Scotland, meaning I have started attending matches. Many sad Saturday's ahead I'm afraid for Hibs, if current form holds. I'm in the same section, a little further down from last year. Not thrilled with the company around me, but you give up middle-class politeness for the right to stand when you sit in the east stand. A trade-off I'm willing to live with as long as this doesn't continue.

The Doctor and I went to see Belle and Sebastian a few weeks back in Glasgow, which was fantastic...if you are a fan, there was plenty of stuff of 'Fold Your Hands Child...", which was a nice surprise. New album sounds like its going to be as poppy as the old.

Related to the Belle and Sebastian show comes a warning for train travelers. Just because the train is arriving from Edinburgh does not mean it will return there, especially if its the last train of the night. 30 of us (mostly whom had been at the show) made this mistake to the joy of the FirstScot train conductor-esque guy, who obviously was enjoying telling us all that we were on the wrong train AFTER the Edinburgh train had left. It resulted in a quick walk up to the bus station, and a longer trip back by bus, but there were no drunks onboard, so that's something.

Some more insightful, deep stuff soon, felt I needed a kick in the ass to start writing again. Boof. There we go.

Hiland Coo

2006-01-01T18:55:00.000Z

Holiday Trip 2005 084
Originally uploaded by garvex.

The doctor and I spent a week over Christmas time in a tiny little cottage in the Highlands. Suffice to say, it was an amazingly beautiful and wonderful Christmas. The cottage had a fireplace and a view of a sea loch. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Another Ho, Ho, you old slut on junk

2005-12-28T20:26:00.000Z

Santa Run 019
Originally uploaded by garvex.

Not half as interesting a Ho-related story, but the Doctor and I took part in a great Santa Run a few weeks back. Here's the idea, take a 1,000 people to give Â£10 to charity, dress them in Santa costumes (which they get to keep), and sent them lose under the castle, where they attempt to shake off a hangover with two laps around the Princes Street Gardens.

To my credit, I did make the first lap without stopping, but I was a goner by the second round. I think it was the skipping the Doctor initiated once the Pogues'/Kirsty MacColl's 'Fairytale of New York' was cranked out by the DJ.

We spent the rest of the morning walking around Edinburgh in our Santa suits, complete with beards. Personally, I am freaked out by people in costumes (outwith Halloween) and generally do my best to avoid them, so I understood the odd looks we got from passers-by.

Still, being freaky is fun.

Tomorrow I'm going to take part in a Viking Boat Burning Ceremony. This is not an out of the ordinary way to spend the holidays here, burning boats. Watch this space.

Hard-to-photograph objects: Christmas Trees

2005-12-19T21:23:00.000Z

Xmas Tree 005
Originally uploaded by garvex.

The Doctor and I have a Christmas tree crammed into the corner of our small little flat. It's very cute, and very Norwegian Fir-like, meaning it hardly sheds its needles (so far). It seems to have the ability to repel cats; Annie and Frank have yet to attack even the lowest-hanging bulbs.

It is, however, very hard to photograph. Use a flash and it comes out very cold and lifeless. Don't use a flash and it gets all yellowy. I'm going to keep at it. Only six more photo-opportunity days left.

I've always loved Christmas trees. Used to sit up and stare at ours when I was growing up. According to Amy Sedaris, David apparently does the same.

David Sedaris and I, two peas in a pod.

Cross-dressing for children

2005-12-04T16:02:00.000Z

Panto
Originally uploaded by garvex.

The Doctor took me to see some pantomime last night. For my American readers, pantomime is a kind of audience participation theatre in the UK involving altered productions of fairy tales such as Cinderella and Jack and the Beanstalk. From what I gather, they usually take place around the holidays and involve cross-dressing, corny jokes, and songs. The audience, primarily children, are expected to hiss everytime the 'baddie' walks on stage, yell 'he's behind you' everytime the baddie sneaks up behind the hero and endure some truly bad jokes. A even more boring (but clearer) description of panto can be found here.

We saw Aladdin. Quite entertaining, though not enough cross-dressing for my liking. Not sure if it's just me, but I find the best humor is watching actors make other actors break character and laugh. Reminds me of acting in high school, where a case of the giggles breaking out often required a 15-minute break (else it would just keep going and going). Graham Crammond and Arron Usher, pictured here, were hilarious, ad-libbing and generally trying to throw the other out of character.

Noticed two jokes about George Bush. The memorable one involved a laundry scene, where one actor notes a flap in the back of some underwear (confusingly called pants in the UK, much to the delight of The Doctor when I ask if she's seen my pants, or state that I have a hole in my pants, etc). They're George Bush's pants, we are told by one of the actors. Why the flap in the behind? If George Bush wants to tell Tony Blair something, he just opens the flap...Badly summarized, I know, but you get the joke.

I've noticed that over here George Bush has taken on the role of the baddies in Indiana Jones movies. He's sort of a catch-all evil person. No matter your political persuasion, people in Scotland can find common ground around disliking Bush, the same way movie-goers generally root against Nazi's (and to a lesser extent, bald, human-sacrificing cannibals).

No comment

2005-12-04T15:31:00.000Z

No comment
Originally uploaded by garvex.

A shop on Leith Walk, near where I live. What do you suppose they sell there...comment away.

Graduation

2005-11-20T14:20:00.000Z

Graduation ceremony and dinner Part 2 029
Originally uploaded by garvex.

So that's that, £7,700 later and I have a degree. You can find the pics on my flikr site, lots of pics of me with a gown on and some friends from school.

I had two interviews recently for two very different jobs. One for Inside Scotland, a Scottish culture magazine, and one for a news agency where I would be writting for tabloids. Both very interesting, not sure yet what the outcome will be. Do I want to return to weekly publication life or join the cut throat world of dailies?

Abbey Roadster

2005-11-09T18:06:00.000Z

Melrose Abby 052
Originally uploaded by garvex.

Went to Melrose Abbey this past weekend to try out my driving skills. I made the Doctor a bit nervous with my cavalier attitude to merging into roundabouts but just about had that sorted on the return trip. Poor thing tried to teach me the use of a handbrake in preventing the stick-shifty car from backwards drift on an incline, but being my obstinate self I insisted on scaring the hell out of the driver behind me. No bumpers were injured in the adventure south of Edinburgh.

Here are the pictures. The place has a nice pink hue, no? Found a Minnesotan buried in the cemetery. They must have shipped the body back to be buried. Can't blame them, beautiful spot.

The driving reminded me of my early days of owning my own car-two Geo Metros, back-to-back, both which died from loss of oil. I drove both into the ground on the trips around the Midwest. Mac, have I ever thanked you enough for picking me up along some lonesome highway in Indiana?

I moved on from the Geo's to a big, black, bad '86 Thunderbird that I picked up for $50. It was falling apart but had an engine which could launch a thousands ships.

The front, driver's side seat of that monster was held up with a milk crate (the previous owner was a rather large man). Without the crate it collapsed all the way back to the rear seat. Sold it before it died, which I understand it did months later in Chicago from, you guessed it, loss of oil.

Veered off topic there a bit...

Observations: 31/10/05

2005-11-02T20:22:00.000Z

Samhvinn 31.10.05 016
Originally uploaded by garvex.

-Certain people have no problem jostling people without an apology. This is not okay.
-If you go down Street, the windy, little road heading down the Mound, you will find a wine bar. Once there, turn around and look up. There are stained glass, Chrstian figures in a few of the upper windows of the tall building across the street.
-If the doctor points out the arse's of certain women, I am allowed to look at such booties. I am happy to comply, as they have included a cat halloween costume (complete with tail) and Kylie’s bootie.
-Rockford with end up a Tory and hate us at 16, no matter how cool we think we’ll be as parents.
-There are over 100 steps on the staircase leading up to the Mound. After you count one hundred you stop caring and concentrate on breathing.
-It is easier to be around smokers than it was prior to catching a cold.
-It is counter-intuitive to not sell yourself when writing a cover letter.
-The Falkirk Herald was beiseged by highly qualified candidates for their open reporter position. I was not highly-qualified enough (alternate reading by the Doctor: I am highly qualified despite not getting chosen for an interview).
-I am impatient and get frustrated too easily. The doctor is a calming presence in my life.

Fire, Drums and Hippies Pt. 2

2005-11-02T20:17:00.000Z

Samhvinn 31.10.05 005
Originally uploaded by garvex.

Although the pumpkins had to be dumped by Saturday due to their moldy transformation into a new lifeform, the Doctor and I celebrated Halloween by attending another pagan festival on the invitation of a participating friend. Neither of us looked much into it's background prior to heading up to Parliament Square on the Royal Mile, but the general idea seemed to be the banishment of summer by the dark, evil winter people. Boo.

Our friend KtO (clown make-up) was dancing about near the front of the procession that started at the castle and ended in the square. Unlike the Beltane Fire Festival, the ground was flat and the people standing, so we didn't see much of anything once we followed the procession to the square. I know that at one point, the summer people help up a big peace banner, to the cheer of the crowd, but they were soon banished by the dark-hooded drummers and gernerally evil-looking green man, whose picture I missed due to a tourist. At least I think they were banished, as the Doc and I abandoned the proceedings and ended up at a wine bar.

Full list of pics at Flickr site. I also ended up with a few decent movies, including one of the winter procession people. Happy to pass it along to anyone who is interested, just drop me a comment.

Pumpkin exploding from within

2005-10-27T22:54:00.000+01:00

pumpkins 040
Originally uploaded by garvex.

Playing with camera functions helped me come up with some nice shots of pumpkins. Check them out on my flickr site.

The doctor did a nice job with her pumpkin, didn't she? She's a jack o' virgin. At least she was till she met me.

Visa meeting one week from today. It has large ramifications to my future Sample question:

Have you ever been involved in the commission, preparation or organization of war crimes, crimes against humanity or genocide? For help in answering this question, please read the information on the next page.

Hmm, was destroying that village a war crime? Better check the help section?

The shortest distance between two road signs

2005-10-26T20:54:00.000+01:00

buildings and signs 004
Originally uploaded by garvex.

Was waiting for the bus today, bored, but on the way back to healthy town after a week-long cold when I spotted the shortest 50 yards in all the world.

Watched 'Donnie Darko' last night. Need to watch it again to get the full feel for it, not sure I liked it, not sure I didn't. It grew on Ad. He just got back from feeding a horse he described as 'big fat and hairy and smelling like poo.'

I keep breaking the Doctor's chairs. If you wish not to anger your better half, don't lean back on Ikea furniture. Four legs for chairs, two legs for people. Words to live by.

Ugh versus mmmmm

2005-10-24T20:37:00.000+01:00

IMG_2003
Originally uploaded by garvex.

Edinburgh is beautiful when it rains. The building all have a rainy, dark grey look to them anyway so when it rains they fit the part, whereas when it's sunny they look a bit confused as to their place in things.

I would have enjoyed my walk in the rain today had I not had the bird flu, but, cough, cough, I do. Did manage to pull out the camera between raindrops while walking through the Meadows. This is the same spot the doctor and I started from during the Make Poverty History march. Was too wet and miserable to take notice of it at the time.

Having a cold helps with the cigarette-quitting thing. Saw a smoker today, and for the first time thought ugh rather than mmmmm.

Joy and banking

2005-10-24T20:31:00.000+01:00

IMG_2001
Originally uploaded by garvex.

There is a very boring story attached to this sickeningly cute picture of us.

It took me a month, but I was finally able to open a bank account. This was not such a problem last year, when I was a student and therefore not considered a risk to launder terrorist money. However, I am now considered a risk by Bank of Scotland, therefore need 16 forms of ID.

One example of acceptable ID is a gun permit-this in a country where owning a gun is considered impolite, if not illegal.

After the documents I sent BS (huh, never noticed that convergence of letters before) were rejected as inadequate, the doctor and I went bank hunting. Long story short, we ended up finding a bank who was willing to accept my money after a walk in the rain and some helpful advice from an employee of a bank who wouldn't allow me to open an account but knew of a bank that would.

We celebrated with coffee and a self-portrait.

I am a Master of Science

2005-10-20T23:13:00.000+01:00

Zod
Originally uploaded by garvex.

I have earned my Master's Degree in Journalism.

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Sorry, had to get that out. I received the letter yesterday, my dissertation is to be published. I have earned my degree and with it the qualification needed to stay in Scotland for the next two years. I am officially the world's expert in Mobilization Information within Minnesota's Central Labor Body newspapers, August 2004- July 2005.

Writing it ranks top five in the 'hardest thing I've had to do category'. Thanks to everyone who offered encouragement during that dreadful month of August.

Tube warning

2005-10-20T22:58:00.000+01:00

Tube warning
Originally uploaded by garvex.

Who knows whether this is real or fake, but found it on another blog who found it from another blog.

Never did find the orginal, so I'll leave the links out.

No need to comment on it. Speaks for itself.

Doing the Ehrenreich

2005-10-20T22:57:00.000+01:00

Doing the Ehrenreich
Originally uploaded by garvex.

Sorry, Tom, couldn't resist.

Tom is a displaced Wizards fan who sacraficed a very entertaining blog and a whole lot more to write a great series of articles where "he lived and worked as a low-wage laborer to record life among the county's working poor. This is his story." It's great stuff, certainly worth a read. Hope it has the same affect on people that Barbara Ehrenreich's book did.

I wish I could say Tom is so much of a better person than Barbara, but Ms Ehrenreich simply kicks ass. The two of us got to play smugglers in 1997. When the Democratic Socialists of America youth section launched a surprise protest on a Guess! store in a Columbus mall (anti-sweatshop campaign), the taping person was attacked by security. When the videotaper, whilst struggling with rent-a-cop, sheld the tape behind her back, I grabbed it, stuck in Barb's bag, and off the two of us strolled, happy mall-goers were we.

Keep in mind, she's older than my Moms. Not as cool, but damn close.

Loo of the Year

2005-10-20T22:11:00.000+01:00

Loo of the Year
Originally uploaded by garvex.

When you travel, you see many great things.

This weekend, whilst on a trip down south visiting the Doctor's parents for the first time (I failed a test involving brandy but escaped otherwise unscathed), I saw something amazing.

In Scotch Corner, North Yorkshire, you can find the 5-star, award-winning Loo of the Year.

Hmm, beginning to sense a theme here...

In the Loo Galaxy you can find...

2005-10-11T22:22:00.000+01:00

In the Loo Galaxy you can find...
Originally uploaded by garvex.

...Bathroom Planet.

It rained all day. I wrote about drug abuse during the day and ate cheesy pasta at night. I made the cheesy pasta. I did not abuse the drugs.

Get on the bus

2005-10-10T23:50:00.000+01:00

Get on the Bus
Originally uploaded by garvex.

After work I got on the right bus, but it was a Part Route, which I saw and yet still paid the public transit admission fee. The Part part meant I would be getting some exercise on the way home to Dr. Forbat. Sat on the top deck and listened to Miracle Legion, which I found on Limewire the other day...yeah, I know, and if you can find a copy of Surprise, Surprise, Surprise on CD, I'll buy 10 copies. Until then, its downloading or nothing)

Did a search of the IP address which had the Miracle Legion i was downloading, figuring I would find lots of other good music. Nothing there but lots of nasty porn. Anal sex and Miracle Legion. Turns out Mr. Mingo is a dirty old man.

Took some photos from the upper deck before getting dropped off at the train station. Nice warm and windy day, walked past the Old Salt, a very old school pub near my place painted fire engine red. The good doctor keeps daring me to go in. It ranks up there with The Ho in Chicago, one mean looking place.

Would love to see the two bars face off in one of those bar softball games. Blood on the basepaths.

The Daily Show is now on British TV. Hurrah. Never realized how America specific it is. Love it even more for its American-centricity.

Crap American TV

2005-10-09T18:53:00.000+01:00

IMG_1891
Originally uploaded by garvex.

I've been broke since I've been here. Looking for media work, no luck yet, but I have picked up work at a temp agency taking minutes at Child Protection Case Conferences for the City of Edinburgh Council. Pays well, 40 hours a week, but I'm taking notes at meetings where they decide whether a child/children should be registered as abused or at risk of being abused.

Recording the world of drugs, alcohol and violence in the places where the tourists don't go. Won't be talking about work on the blog for obvious reasons of privacy, but it's gonna be grim.

Been spending plenty of nights in front of the telly. Liz got cable so we can watch crap American TV. I'm now hooked on Lost and enjoying House. So far, no good British TV to report about. As the picture indicates, I'm sure Frankie will let me know.

Prelude to deluge

2005-09-28T13:36:00.000+01:00

Before the rain
Originally uploaded by garvex.

I am now back in the land of Salt and Vinegar Pringles, co.uk addresses and nationwide traffic reports.

Some stuff to get out of the way:

1) The title of this blog, 'Letter to America', comes by way of Allister Cook's Letter from America. Cook's half-century worth of audio essays on America for the BBC evokes another outsider's eloquent and prescient description of the U.S.-Alexis de Tocqueville. I only dream of living up to his standard.

2) The address, 'fresh talent', is the name of the visa I will be covered by for the next two years.

3) I expect this blog to be fairly open in comment compared to previous efforts, so for those who know me, please use discretion when referring to my real-life indentity.

With that, off we go...